8 Ways You Can Help this Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month! There are so many ways you can be a part of the solution to end sexual assault. Below I’ve compiled a list of 8 ways to combat sexual assault this month (and every month):

1. Challenge victim blaming.
   When you hear comments like, “they were asking for it” or “they shouldn’t have gotten that drunk” or “what did they expect to happen?”, you can respond by saying that no matter what someone is doing or how someone looks or behaves, no one ever deserves or asks to be sexually assaulted. We can be held responsible for our own actions, but we are not responsible for what someone does to us when we are vulnerable.
2. Talk about consent!
   Sometimes the conversations around sexual assault can seem very daunting and heavy. Consent is a lot easier to talk about and yet most people don’t. If you’re a parent, you can talk to your kids about boundaries and respecting people’s different boundaries. Even as adults we need a reminder of this. Whether it’s physical touching, borrowing someone’s phone, or talking about something personal or private, we always need to check in with someone before doing anything that can cross any type of boundary.
   
3. Educate yourself and others.
   Take some time to learn about sexual assault, consent, and the impact of sexual violence in our communities whether by attending a training, or viewing a documentary or screening in your area. I Am Evidence, Audrey & Daisy, Anita: Speaking Truth to Power are all documentaries about sexual assault. You can also ask for a training at your company or place of work from your local sexual assault agency. As an educator at my agency, I (and my colleagues in my department) go into both educational and professional settings to inform the public about these issues and engage in meaningful discussion.
4. Volunteer for your local sexual assault agency/organization.
   Volunteering for a sexual assault agency or organization can be a much longer process than some may think. For our agency, it is a 40 hour training. Most agencies are similar. If this topic is something you are passionate about and have the time to dedicate to, feel free to reach out to your local agency to see if they have any available trainings.
5. Donate to your local sexual assault agency/organization.
   If volunteering is not something you want to do or can fit into your schedule, there are many other ways you can help without going through a training. You can donate money or items that the agency is looking for. For example, we always accept clothes for survivors who go to the hospital to get a forensic evidence collection kit done. Our volunteers/advocates bring care packages to the hospitals complete with sweatpants, a sweatshirt or t-shirt, snacks, water, magazines, a blanket, and any other items that may make that experience a little bit more comfortable.
6. Legislative advocacy.
   Find out what your local/state organizations are advocating for in the upcoming legislative session and offer to email or call your senators and representatives to help. In Connecticut we are in the process of advocating to pass H.B. 5246, An Act Eliminating the Statute of Limitation in the Case of Sexual Assault. Completely eliminating the criminal statute of limitations will give both victims and prosecutors the time they need to bring justice, as justice should not have an expiration date. Connecticut’s statute of limitations for sexual assault crimes should be removed to fully acknowledge the impact of trauma on survivors of sexual violence and the barriers they face when reporting, and to hold the persons who commit acts of sexual violence accountable.
7. Participate in Denim Day.
   The campaign was originally triggered by a ruling by the Italian Supreme Court where a rape conviction was overturned because the justices felt that since the victim was wearing tight jeans she must have helped her rapist remove her jeans, thereby implying consent. The following day, the women in the Italian Parliament came to work wearing jeans in solidarity with the victim. Denim Day is a rape prevention education campaign where community members, elected officials, businesses and students make a social statement with their fashion by wearing jeans on this day as a visible means of protest against the misconceptions that surround sexual assault. This year’s Denim Day is April 25, 2018.
8. Support survivors.
   Chances are, you know a survivor of sexual assault and you may not even realize it. So, be open and compassionate to those around you. This time of the year may be sensitive to some or triggering for others, or maybe nothing at all. Be mindful of how prevalent of an issue this is, and open your heart to those around you to offer support. Let your loved ones know you love them and your metaphorical door is open to talk. You never know who it may help.
   

Always remember to do your part to stop the hurt.

 

More Reports, More Awareness

With all of the recent reports of sexual harassment and sexual assault in the media lately, you almost can’t read the news without hearing about yet another celebrity, politician, or public figure committing these acts of violence and abuse.

So far, there’s been Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Louis C.K., Senator Al Franken, Danny Masterson, Russel Simmons, and Dustin Hoffman, to name just a few accused of sexual misconduct in the past few months.

Time Magazine recently named Person of the Year to the “Silence Breakers”, the victims and survivors of these acts who have come forward. This year, the #MeToo movement created a ripple effect of disclosures and shared experiences of sexual harassment and sexual assault. This movement highlights the fact that these acts of abuse and violence are not uncommon or few and far in between.

Much of the conversation around #MeToo and the reports of sexual misconduct coming out revolve around the comparison between sexual harassment behaviors and sexual assault. Many people feel as though these two behaviors should not be lumped together, and that sexual harassment is not as big of a deal as sexual assault. This belief, however, is a part of the problem.

Sexual harassment is violating and harmful all on its own. If we ignore it, though, it can and often does escalate into sexual violence. For example: someone who catcalls others probably believes those people should be treated like objects, but are never told that this is harmful since it is so common and normalized. Now they go from catcalling to grabbing or groping, yet no one tells them this is harmful because it “happens all the time”. So, next time, they take it a step further and assault someone because they feel entitled since they view these people as objects in the first place.

I’m not saying that everyone who catcalls is going to sexually assault others, of course. This is also not to say that in the eyes of the law we should view lewd comments and rape as the same crime. Regardless of the severity of the accusations these celebrities and public figures face, all of these actions are harmful. Some may be viewed as more harmful than others, but they are all still harmful nonetheless.

However, there is a connection between sexual harassment and sexual assault. Like with Harvey Weinstein, for example. If people took sexual harassment as seriously as sexual assault when he was initially harassing many of the women that came forward, then maybe those survivors who were victimized by him could have been helped long before his actions escalated to sexual violence. We need to hold individuals accountable from the moment we see behaviors that objectify, demean, or otherwise oppress a group of people. Our words and our beliefs often become our attitudes and actions.

More reports of sexual harassment or sexual assault do not necessarily mean it’s happening any more than it was previously. It means that victims feel safer reporting or talking about it. It also means there is an increased awareness on what these issues really look like. A more fine-tuned definition of these behaviors help victims and survivors actually identify what happened to them and holds the space for them to come forward.

ALL survivors deserve to be heard, believed, and supported.

Taylor Swift, I Stand With You

Recently, the story of Taylor Swift’s sexual assault has come into light. To recap, at a meet-and-greet before one of her concerts in 2013, Taylor Swift was posing for a photo with a radio DJ, David Mueller, when he reached under her skirt and groped her. What happened next really doesn’t even matter, because whether she told anyone or not, it still happened and that cannot be invalidated. Period.

She did, however, tell someone. She told her mother and other people on her team. That alone is brave and should be commended. It is not easy to disclose that you have been violated in any way, particularly when you live in such a public eye. Taylor wanted to keep this incident quiet, as many victims do, and therefore did not report it to the police. This is not an uncommon reaction. Many survivors of sexual assault do not report what happened to them to authorities. Some feel embarrassment, shame, fear, denial, or confusion. Some need time to cope with their experience before deciding if or how they wish to take action. It is a grueling process for many survivors to endure, so many often choose not to endure it at all.

But when Mueller sued Taylor for slander two years later, suggesting she fabricated the story with the intentions of getting him fired, Taylor stood her ground and counter-sued for assault. “Swift countersued Mueller for the symbolic amount of $1. The singer, who spoke to The Guardian in 2014 about embracing feminism, is seeking Mueller’s recognition of responsibility as ‘an example to other women who may resist publicly reliving similar outrageous and humiliating acts.’ She pledged to donate any financial reward from the trial to charities supporting survivors of sexual assault and gender-based violence.”

Unfortunately, many survivors face the blame and disbelief that Taylor is experiencing. Many do not have physical evidence to prove that their assault occurred, but that does not mean that it didn’t occur. It is so rare for someone to lie about being sexually assaulted. Yet, many victims are accused of fabricating or exaggerating, which only minimizes, denies, and invalidates their experience. And then we wonder why this crime is so under-reported.

So, thank you, Taylor. Thank you for having the courage to speak up about what happened to you, and for doing so with the intention of being the voice for the voiceless.

My hope during this trial is for the continuation of the outflow of support for Taylor with an added understanding of what some victims and survivors may experience. We still have many minimizing and demeaning beliefs about survivors of sexual assault; about how they are to blame, about how they should react, about how they should feel, about how they should report, and the list goes on. Hopefully, the more education we have about these issues, the more we will believe and support survivors.

As the trend on social media states, #StayStrongTaylor and all of the survivors out there. I stand with you.